


The World at a Standstill

by DanaiaCake



Series: DanaiaCake’s Haikyuu Angst Fics [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Ali Roma, Angst, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, Kageyama is a Baby, Kageyama's Team Mates, Karasuno is a Family, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Post-Timeskip, bilingual Hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26563810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanaiaCake/pseuds/DanaiaCake
Summary: The KageHina post-timeskip fanfic that nobody asked for, but here it is anyway.---Probably, hooking up after the Olympics is the worst decision Kageyama ever made in his life. For a couple of reasons, really.But… It only takes one, very simple reason why he made the decision to actually be part of the Olympic romance cliché he hates so much, and that’s because it involves a certain energetic, tangerine-haired wing spiker whom he harbored a long-time unrequited crush on.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: DanaiaCake’s Haikyuu Angst Fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912909
Comments: 36
Kudos: 157





	The World at a Standstill

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably hurt. Probably.
> 
> Anyway, this fanfic has music involved in the story so please click on the 🎶 to listen to the songs. If you liked this story, please do leave a comment or kudos or give a shoutout to me in Twitter [ **@DanaiaCake** ](https://twitter.com/danaiacake)
> 
> P.S. Please excuse any mistake I made with trying to write Portuguese. :(

Probably, hooking up after the Olympics is the worst decision Kageyama ever made in his life. For a couple of reasons, really:

One—Olympic romance is not really unheard of but he always thought it’s such a cliché trope amongst athletes that he has firmly decided to never be a part of that at all.

Two—Getting involved with another athlete, not to mention someone from the same sport, same division, same team as his _(read: another guy)_ is never the smartest thing to do. Just imagining the controversy and the rumors that would spiral around them is enough to discourage him.

Three—belonging in two different pro teams based in two totally different countries meant they will be forced to go into trying to squeeze in a long-distance relationship into an already tight schedule.

 _But…_ It only takes one, very simple reason why he made the decision to actually be part of the Olympic romance cliché he hates so much, and that’s because it involves a certain energetic, tangerine-haired wing spiker whom he harbored a long-time unrequited crush on.

\---

His phone rings just when he steps out of _PalaTiziano_ after an entire day of training. His teammates had already left but he stayed back to work on his serves as a form of repentance from his awful game earlier today. He kept making mistakes during their practice match and though his team had told him it’s normal to have bad days, he simply can’t put it behind him. 

When he sees the caller ID, his fingers itch to answer the call right away but he lets it go to voicemail, choosing to answer once he’s already inside the comfort _and warmth_ of his car. 

It’s winter in Rome, and for him, winters are just the worst. It’s his least favorite season of all as he can’t go jogging freely outside without the danger of slipping or almost slipping from the frost that accumulates on the streets, no matter how careful he is. There is also an endless supply of people crowding every available establishment for their holiday shopping. He has nothing against these people, it’s just that it makes his homesick worse.

The parking lot is not as empty as he expects, considering he is the last one who left from his team. He took longer to shower, which is also just his excuse to avoid them. It’s not because he doesn’t like them or they are not kind to him… he’s just new and he hasn’t gotten used to the language yet.

In truth, he hasn’t gotten used to a lot of things. The country, the people, the food, the climate—every little thing in this land makes him wish he is back in Japan… or maybe, that he should have taken back the other offer to join a certain team somewhere in Latin America.

He slips inside his car and turns on the engine solely for the heater. One of the few comforts his new team gave him is this car and a new apartment here in Rome. All things considered, he is quite lucky and has no reason to complain.

His phone rings for the second time and he fumbles off his gloves to answer it.

“ _Olá_ , Kageyama.”

Hinata’s voice is like warmth incarnate that melts the frost that has settled on his car and fogged his windows. He doesn’t answer right away, just listens to the other guy breathe into the crappy reception, from over 6,000 miles away. 

“Kageyama?” Hinata repeats, this time, voice laced with worry when he doesn’t respond.

“Ah…” he finally answers, eyes sliding close as he places his forehead on the steering wheel. The smell of leather assaults his senses, as well as the longing to be anywhere else but here… no, not anywhere else, but in a very specific city in Brazil where…

“Ah good, I thought I lost you for a while there. Reception is pretty bad here.”

“Why? Where are you?”

“Did you forget? We have a training camp this week. I told you about that the other day.” Hinata sighs, “You really should pay attention, _Kageyama-kun._ ”

The leer on his voice makes him automatically snap at the guy, _Hinata-boke_ , he says which Hinata takes with a light, airy laugh. 

“How about you? Is your training over?”

“Yeah.” He responds, “Our team manager gave us the weekend off so I finally have some free time.”

“Oooh… I’m jealous. Rome is such a romantic place to tour in winter.” Hinata croons and he couldn’t be more wrong, “You’ll send me photos, yeah?”

Kageyama sighs, and sits up properly. He notices that the frost on the windshield has melted away, “If I decide to get out.”

“What? Why? You rarely get breaks, right? And based on what you’ve told me, and your social media updates… you haven’t even checked out the city yet and you’re living there for almost two months now.”

Kageyama wants to tell him that not everyone has _his_ energy and level of enthusiasm over everything. That many of them—Kageyama included, hates going out and dealing with new people, new sceneries, and the likes. But he doesn’t say that because Hinata will just nag him to _go out some more, hang out with your team._ _Don’t be a recluse._

“I can’t believe you follow my Instagram account." He says, changing the topic, "Besides, it’s the team’s manager handling that so I don’t have much say there.”

"I follow everyone's Instagram. Keeps me occupied whenever I feel bored or homesick." Hinata reasons out. Kageyama doesn't answer again and they stay there in comfortable silence, just listening to each other breathe.

“Neh, Kageyama?”

“Hmn?”

“You do know your contract in Rome doesn’t end in three years, right?” Hinata queries softly, “And mine won’t end until then, too.” 

Kageyama knows Hinata is right and even without saying, he also knows that he is basically telling him that he needs to get used to it already and that there’s no use moping around in his apartment and waste every rare off days they have.

“I just…” _miss you_ . His voice trails off because he is stubborn and won’t admit it. He hears Hinata chuckle on the other end of the line, _“Eu também sinto muito a sua falta."_ _ (1) _

Kageyama frowns and sighs in defeat. He hates it when he does that. He still hasn’t gotten used to bilingual Hinata and he doesn’t like not being able to understand whatever the other guy is saying. “I told you not to do that.” 

“Not even going to ask me what it means?”

“Probably something stupid.”

A silence follows before Hinata hums in response, “Hmn… you’re probably right.”

“What time is it there?”

“A little over five in the morning? I’m just about to start my morning jog.” Hinata responds then asks him in return, “How about there?”

“Ten at night. I’m about to drive home.” Kageyama says. Both of them know exactly about the time difference and don’t really need to ask—but they still do because it’s their other way of asking each other what they’re currently up to and also because it keeps them longer on the phone.

“Oh, you finished late? You’re usually home by seven, right?”

“Yeah, I had to do some extra training…” _because I didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment again._

“I hope you’re not overworking yourself.” Hinata says, “You get sick easily in the cold, right?”

 _It’s true._ “Of course not, _Boke_.”

Hinata chuckles and his heart melts at the sound and just thinking about how he probably looks like right now. Something throbs in his chest and it’s hot and painful and—he needs to stop thinking about him because he is already an adult and adults don't give in to emotions easily. No, they ignore those emotions and push them deep into the pits of their very soul, crushing it with pressure and pride.

 _But damn it, he wants to cry._ He wants to tell Hinata how much he misses him every day, but especially tonight when he feels so unsure about himself and his talents. Hinata’s usually the one to pull him right up out of his slump and tell him how amazing he is... and he needs that right now. Needs it every day... _just needs him._

If only he can pull the two continents together and have Hinata somewhere within an hour drive away. Heck, even four or five, is better than have him living oceans apart, in different timezones.

“Kageyama-kun?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He swallows the imaginary lump in his throat and blinks back the unshed tears, hating himself for being such a weak baby. 

“...is it a bad day today?” Hinata asks softly. Kageyama pressed the phone closer to his ear, if only to pretend he’s right there beside him.

He only heaves a heavy sigh but doesn’t respond. Hinata does the same, but his, is out of exasperation. Kageyama waits for him to call him out on this, make fun of him because _you’re not like this, Kageyama._ But instead, he hears something really unexpected.

[ 🎶 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orlFqGXFz_I) _Deixa eu dizer que te amo_

_Deixa eu pensar em você_

_Isso me acalma, me acolhe a alma_

_Isso me ajuda a viver_

He is singing. Hinata is singing to him and he is left dumbfounded because though the song is in another language and Hinata doesn’t have the best singing voice, and yet just the sound of him singing is enough for this indescribable heat to embrace his entire body. He sees his face on the rearview mirror and it’s embarrassingly red.

“Oi, Hinata, what—“

[🎶](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orlFqGXFz_I) _Hoje contei pras paredes_

_Coisas do meu coração_

_Passeei no tempo, caminhei nas horas_

_Mais do que passo a paixão_

_É um espelho sem razão_

_Quer amor, fique aqui_

Hinata doesn’t complete the song, and when he finishes, he explains how it’s one of the few Portuguese songs he has learned when he came to Brazil. _It’s a classic,_ he says. Kageyama is inclined to ask its meaning but instead, he asks Hinata for the title and decides to search on his own.

“Amor I Love You by Marisa Monte,” Hinata answers, “Did you like it so much you’ll start listening to it?”

 _Yes, probably. But even so, it won’t compare to you singing it for me,_ “No. I want to hear the original to check how much your singing ruined it.”

“Wow, that’s rude.” Hinata complains, “And that’s after I cheered you up? Just, wow.”

“I don’t even need cheering up.” His stubborn side of him insists and Hinata just chuckles but doesn’t call out his bullshit.

After a while, the guy tells him he should probably head home. _I know you have the weekend off, but that doesn’t mean you can sleep late. If you don’t plan to go out, at least rest well._ Kageyama hasn’t realized Hinata can be such a nag.

“I have to go jog as well. Alfonso-san has been waiting for me and he just told me twice already that we should get going.”

“Oh, right.” _Forgot we can’t be on the phone forever._ “I guess I have to drive home now.” Looking at the digital display on his dashboard, he realizes they had been talking for an hour already.

“Alright, call me again tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Bye, Kageyama. Drive safe.”

“Bye, Hinata.”

There is a lull in their conversation before they cut the phone call. Both of them seemingly waiting for a final word that should come but never does. They are always like this in phone calls—awkward in their goodbyes. 

That should not be the case. They had been dating for almost six months now, and conversations like this should come easily, right? Maybe it is something their—his stubbornness and natural competitiveness will never allow. Besides, none of them ever wants to be the first to say—

_“Eu te amo.”_

_\---_

_Fiumicino_ Airport is a live, bustling ecosystem on its own. As the main airport in Rome, people from all over the world and all walks of life congregate here making it the busiest airports in the country. It is here Kageyama finds himself one spring afternoon, waiting at the arrival.

His senpais, Nishinoya and Asahi are dropping by Rome to spend a week with him, because, _“You’ve already been living in Rome for a year now, surely you would know the local spots to go to.”_ And besides, _“Hinata sent you something.”_ As if to appease him.

The two of them had been traveling the world, couch surfing on any former teammates who happen to live overseas. They just came from a tour in Latin America where they stayed with Hinata for a week, to his great envy.

Honestly, he is jealous of them for many reasons, not just for staying with Hinata for a week or for being able to travel the world—but for being openly public about their relationship. The two have started dating since college and have been open about it. He wishes he and Hinata have the same freedom….but then again, _are they even dating?_

He recalls the month they spent in the Olympic village in Japan and he can’t really say it’s considered anything more than a hookup _(a drunken hookup at that)_ —but it was more than a one-night stand because he confessed to Hinata the next day and though Hinata did not say anything back, he had cried in his arms and kissed him. Besides, they had been in constant communication for the past year, although none of that icky, romantic stuff.

 _But, are they really dating?_ He thinks they should have made it official— _he_ should have made it official and asked him out. But his own embarrassment stops him from saying anything about it even just in phone calls. So he never brings it up.

“Oi, Kageyama!”

Nishinoya and Asahi walk side by side out of the arrival gate with their luggage in tow. They look like an awkward couple with the extreme height difference and the direct contrast of their personalities, but he figures it’s probably part of their overall dynamics. Nishinoya has his hand raised, waving at him, looking like everything a tourist is supposed to be. Both of them look tanned, wearing white button-ups and hats over their heads. 

He raises his hand to answer back, “Noya-senpai, Asahi-sen…” The words die in his mouth when another figure comes into view. This person must have been hiding behind Asahi’s huge frame so he didn’t notice soon but…

He stares at Hinata walking towards him, with _Fiumicino_ in the background, convinced that he’s dreaming. _He must be_ because there’s no way that Hinata is here in Rome, except—there he is, looking sheepishly at him. He’s a little tanned in his face because he couldn’t see much underneath the layers he is wearing. The grey bonnet is also hiding his bright hair which is such a shame.

“ _Olá_ , Kageyama.”

Hearing him in person is a lot different and infinitely better than hearing him in the crappy mobile device. He realizes that now as he struggles to find the words to say. He stands there like a mute, hands closed into fists, throat tight, chest about to explode because he is feeling so many emotions at once— _surprise, confusion, happiness…_

Hinata cocks his head to the side and peers up at him, “Kageyama-kun?”

“I think he’s broken, Shoyo.” Nishinoya snickers behind Hinata, “I told you this surprise is too much for—“

“GO OUT WITH ME!” Kageyama doesn’t know what came over him but that’s the first thing he blurts when he regains his senses. The three men give him a curious, confused look. 

“Huh? But...aren’t we already…” Hinata asks softly and Kageyama realizes just how stupid he actually is for thinking they are anything but officially dating.

“Wait… so Kageyama seriously thinks you and him are not yet dating?” Nishinoya quips, holding back a burst of laughter which he instantly releases when Kageyama gives him a blank, confused stare. “Oh my god! This is gold. Wait ‘til Suga-san hears about this.”

“Noya…” Asahi offers a sympathetic glance towards him, “Not everyone jumps into conclusion easily, I’m sure that Kageyama has reasons…”

“Yeah, ‘cuz he’s dense.” Nishinoya is still laughing, “No, this is GOLD. I tell you, Suga-san needs to hear about this.”

Kageyama is muted by his own shame. With his face heated up, he is just looking down at his feet, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole… but Hinata steps into his view, bright, brown eyes looking up at him and mouth twisted in an endearing smile, “Kageyama _, você será meu namorado?_ ” _ (2) _

He can get lost in those eyes for days. And though he can’t understand the full meaning of the words, all those countless times he and Hinata had spoken over the phone and those other times he _didn’t_ try purchasing _Learning Basic Portugese_ off the internet familiarized him to some words and he’s pretty sure Hinata is asking him to be his boyfriend.

He doesn’t answer, instead, he grabs him by the face and plants an earnest kiss on his lips. Just like that, everything around them stops and falls silent. It's like time has been frozen and all the things that had happened and will happen are irrelevant save for this one single moment. The height difference bends their necks in awkward angles and forces Hinata to tiptoe a bit just to reach him, but that’s okay because it gives him the excuse to slip his arms around Hinata’s back and for the latter to wrap his arms around his neck for extra leverage.

He feels warm—and the soft lips that opened up to him make him feel like he’s drowning. But he plunges his tongue inside and tastes something sweet, tangy and citrusy at the same time, like _oranges?_ He swallows a surprised gasp from Hinata when he squeezes him closer to him… as if their bodies, when pushed tighter together, could somehow become one. _God, this is a hundred times better than when they were in the Olympic village._

“Geez, get a room, you two.” Nishinoya chides.

That is the only time he remembers that one, they are not alone and two, they are still in public. He pulls away abruptly, to Hinata’s dismay. The glazed expression on the shorter guy makes him realize he still hasn’t gotten over the high. Truth be told, neither does he—his entire body is still thrumming from it.

“Noya, give them a break. It’s been a year since they last saw each other.” Asahi says ever the soft-spoken understanding senpai that he is. Nishinoya shrugs, “Yeah, I guess you’re right, _babe._ Let’s give these two some space, shall we?” 

“I thought you guys will stay at my place?” Kageyama asks although the potential of spending some alone time with Hinata is so tempting.

“Yeah… and get in the way of you humping each other the entire week? No way.” Nishinoya argues, earning a disappointed scowl from Asahi.

Kageyama turns to look at Hinata for confirmation. And in turn, the shorter guy snorts, “Why do you look so surprised? I have a week off so I came to surprise you. Geez, I hope your apartment has a hot shower because I seriously can’t stand this cold.”

“You’ve been in Brazil for too long, Shoyo.” Noya says, chuckling, “Anyway, before we leave you two alone, can we at least get some dinner, and would you guys drop us off in our hotel?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Kageyama says, leading the way to his car. It feels like he’s walking in a dream… like any moment now, he’d wake up in his apartment, alone and without Hinata beside, walking and talking animatedly at Nishinoya. But then, a warm hand clasps his and he looks down at his and Hinata’s connected hands in shock. 

He would have pulled away except they’re in Europe, in Italy nonetheless where same-sex couples are not only accepted, but legally supported. His eyes travel to Hinata’s face and he is not looking at him, still talking to Nishinoya and pointing at anything that fancies his interest, but the furious blush on his cheeks is proof that this is also making him embarrassed.

 _They’re idiots._ He thinks, intertwining their fingers together.

\---

The blaring alarm is like a knife getting stabbed into his head over and over again. He groans aloud, blindly groping the damned alarm clock on his nightstand. When he grabs it, he turns it off before he catches the numbers written in red LED: _6:15 am_.

He has to get up now except his head freaking hurts in every move. He had never, for the life of him—ever gotten this hungover in just a night of drinking. But his senpais brought him and Hinata out for dinner and some drinks last night and...

 _Hinata?!_ He turns to look beside him so quickly, his vision spun before he managed to see the empty sheets, and his heart sinks instantly. _Did he imagine everything?_ Except he’s totally naked in bed, and there are some unmistakable marks in his body.

Before his brain goes haywire, he hears the distinct sound of the shower being turned off followed by a door opening and closing.

He looks up to see Hinata just walking out from the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing _his_ shirt which is too big for the guy’s smaller frame. He is rubbing a towel over his wet hair and when he notices Kageyama staring at him, turns to smile brightly, “Rise and shine, _lightweight._ ”

It’s supposed to be a jest; it’s supposed to be something to rile him up but the only thing he does is walk up to Hinata, grab him by the hand and pull him into a tight embrace.

“Kageya—“ Whatever Hinata has to say gets pushed back down his throat when Kageyama presses a kiss to his lips. Hinata melts in his arms, and he molds his body unto Kageyama’s, crossing his arms around the other’s back. Kageyama pulls him closer to deepen the kiss and Hinata’s legs automatically wrap around his waist. The sudden additional weight makes his head spin and he loses his balance—knocking them over on the floor.

They gape at each other in stunned silence before Hinata bowls over in laughter, “I forgot you’re still hungover. I’m sorry.”

Kageyama covers his face which is too hot from embarrassment, “This freaking hangover.”

Hinata laughs harder, but he does crawl to where he is sitting and pulls Kageyama’s hands away from his face before pecking him on the lips, “Go shower so we can grab some breakfast?”

—

Having Hinata in Rome feels nothing short of a dream. In just a few days, Kageyama has toured and seen more of the city than he ever did living there for a year. They went to the Vatican, to St. Peter’s Square and Basilica on the first day; then took onto the Pantheon and the Roman Forum plus the night tour into the Colosseum on the second day. On the third day, they went out to grab dinner with some of Kageyama’s teammates who somehow managed to catch wind that _Ninja Shoyo_ is in Rome.

They just came from touring the Catacombs which is their last stop after the Trevi Fountain, the Spanish Steps and Piazza Navona. They agree to meet in one of their usual pubs, _La Botticella._

Their libero, Marco Bianchi and their middle blocker, Luca Espocito are already at their usual table when they arrive. Luca with his broad shoulders and blonde hair stands out from the crowd. His height makes Marco, the guy with the dark hair and olive skin look nothing more but a teenager, except he has a full grown-ass beard.

 _“Ciao, bello!_ ” Luca greets them, patting Kageyama on his back while Marco lightly punches him on the shoulder, “We missed you in the court.”

Kageyama nods, and slides in one of the chairs, pulling Hinata beside him who is immediately drawn into the spotlight/hot seat by the two. “So it’s true, you’re smaller than me.” Marco quips and Hinata frowns, making Kageyama chuckle before nodding at Marco, “Told you he is.”

“Oh but his jumps are really impressive,” Marco adds, which appeases Hinata, “Man, I wish I have your athleticism. Bet I could even jump over this behemoth right here if I did.” He says gesturing his thumb over at Luca.

“You wish.” Luca laughs heartily before taking a swig of his beer. He then turns to Hinata with a serious expression, “So, _Ninja Shoyo_ , can you tell us more about how Kageyama is when he’s in high school?”

“Oi, Luca.”

“Sure!”

“Wait, what’s this? You already started the party without us?” Another tall guy, this time with brown, slick backed hair walks towards them. Alessio Jilani, their team captain sits beside Hinata and offers a hand, introducing himself. Of all the members of the team, Alessio is the most charming. Hinata takes his hand and returns the introduction.

“So, about Kageyama during highschool. Can you share it with me, too?”

“Oi, Hinata-boke. Don’t you fucking dare.”

Hinata just grins at him before he starts narrating his awkward, embarrassing highschool anecdotes to the group of people who will never let him outlive this.

By the end of Hinata’s storytelling, he’s much closer to his team than Kageyama ever was. He’s a bit jealous of Hinata’s natural ability to charm people and brighten up a room. _Just like the sun._ But the place is getting crowded for his taste especially when the rest of his team has arrived and are fussing over _Ninja Shoyo._

Michele Fiorentino has him engaged into some game strategy by the bar, so he slides beside Hinata and whispers into his ear that he’ll just go outside for some air. Hinata frowns and grabs his hand but he squeezes it lightly. “Okay,” Hinata nods before letting him go. He takes the bottle of beer with him as he steps outside the bar.

Which is only slightly better considering the hundreds of people still crowding the streets. This is probably the worst part of living in a city where tourists flock—wherever you go, there’s always just too many damn people. Alessio comes out a few minutes after him, “Too crowded?”

He nods, taking a swig from his bottle. 

“Fiorentino is trying to take a bite off your boyfriend so watch your back.” Alessio adds with a laugh. They both know it’s a joke—Michele is as straight as they come.

“I don’t even know how you guys knew about his visit.”

Alessio chuckles, until he realizes that Kageyama’s not joking “You’re kidding me, right?”

“No? What? Why?”

“It’s all over his Instagram. He’s been posting photos of his trip to Rome.”

He gawks at the guy in disbelief and Alessio laughs harder, “Man, you really should look into your social media. I mean Karla’s doing a good job managing our accounts but you have to check it out from time to time.”

Kageyama can’t help but agree. _Damn, what has Hinata been posting?_ He takes his phone out and opens his Instagram for the first time in months. He goes to _@ninjashoyo_ ’s account to see lots of photos of the places they’ve been to in Rome. All those photos Hinata asked him to take for him are uploaded.

But the photo with the most comment and reaction is the selfie he and Hinata took on their first day. Its caption is simple: _Finalmente em casa._ _ (3) _

It got a lot of reactions and comments not just from Hinata’s fans but from their previous teammates back in Japan. 

It’s mortifyingly embarrassing and incredibly sweet as well.

“Wow, I never thought I’d live to see this.” Alessio says beside him, “Our angry little setter is blushing.”

“What? I’m not. Fuck off.” He retaliates, looking away. Which is just in time for Hinata to come bouncing out of the pub.

“Kageyama, I’ve been look—whoa, are you alright? Are you already drunk? You look terribly red.”

“Shut up, _Boke._ ” He snaps and Alessio chortles behind him. Hinata eyes the other man curiously, “He just saw your Instagram feed and that really sweet photo you have of him.”

A pause then Hinata comes into a realization, “Oh… that one. But it’s pretty harmless, don’t you think? People are just happy we have reunited.”

“Yeah, tell that to your boyfriend whose brain, I think, just short-circuited.” Alessio pats him hard on the shoulder, “Hey, it’s no biggie. If you two decide to come out, I’m sure a lot of people won’t be surprised… heck, I’m willing to bet they’d be psyched if anything.”

He leaves the two of them with that. Hinata then turns to Kageyama with a worried smile, “Did you hate it that much? I can take it down if you want to.”

“Do you want to—tell other people about _us_?”

Hinata blinks at him, before he smiles softly, “I don’t think it matters if people knew. But if it matters a lot to you to keep this a secret, then it’s also—“

“No.” Kageyama insists, “I… I…want to. It’s just that…” _people will judge and look at us differently and I don’t want them to say bad things about you._

“I understand,” Hinata places a hand over his mouth to stop him from speaking, “But can we say it to people who matter to us?”

Kageyama thinks about it and he can definitely live with that. He nods.

_Only to people who matter._

—

After the uneventful dinner with his teammates, Kageyama is exhausted. He just has had it with waking up early to go to a tourist spot, queue up in really long lines, take a couple of photos Hinata could share in his social media then go home to his apartment, too exhausted to do anything else. _Okay,_ they still manage to end the day with satisfying sex for those nights, but they are almost always already half asleep whenever they do

So when Hinata suggested having a quiet, chill time on his last day with him, Kageyama eagerly agreed. They slept in that day and woke up around noon, just to grab some lunch. He plans to take Hinata up the hills of Monte Mario to watch the sunset but that is not until later in the afternoon so they spent the entire day in his living room, cuddled together, watching an Italian romance film that neither of them understands. 

_That_ and getting distracted with how Hinata is basically half-sitting on his lap, curled up like a cat, head leaned against his shoulder, hands lazily twined together. It’s a humid day and their bodies are warm but he dare not tell Hinata to move away. He can feel, more than hear every reaction Hinata makes as they try to make sense of what’s happening.

Kageyama falls asleep halfway through the film—both from the exhaustion of the previous days’ activities and the boredom of not understanding what they’re watching. He wakes up from Hinata rousing him from his nap.

 _We’ll watch the sunset, you said?_ Hinata asks.

He’s still tired and could definitely benefit from a little more sleep… but how can he say no to Hinata especially if he’s smiling like that?

It only takes half an hour drive to Monte Mario, but it took them longer because they had to stop by the nearby grocer and deli to buy their dinner. He left Hinata to choose the wine they’re going to bring up to the hills before he makes another side trip to a shop he’d been meaning to go to this week.

Monte Mario hills is another popular picnic spot in Rome famous for its scenic sunset. There were lots of people in the place when they arrived so it took another couple of minutes walking to find a perfect, quiet, private spot for them.

But they eventually did find it—a little off course from the typical spots tourists crowd in, a clearing near a cliff where they set up their makeshift picnic blanket (a thick blanket); a bag of groceries, and a bottle of sparkling wine. Most of their food is snacks anyway, but they did manage to score a good deal of cold cuts and some cheese in the deli Kageyama frequents.

The sun had already begun setting, dousing the entire city of Rome in a fiery orange haze. He can see St. Peter’s Basilica standing proudly from afar, its dome looking like a renaissance painting against the rolling clouds in the sky, painted in different hues of yellow, red and orange. He had never seen Rome this way… and he has to admit that it, indeed, is a breathtaking city. 

“We’re lucky the weather’s perfect,” Hinata says. Kageyama hums in agreement, looking down at the other guy only to have his breath punched out of his lungs because under the dying light of the sun—Hinata’s features look softer and _by gods,_ he’s just so pretty.

 _I’m lucky you’re perfect._ He thinks but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs his hand, surprising the other guy, and takes something from the pocket of his coat.

“What is it, Kageyama?”

“I have something…” he pauses, feeling suddenly anxious and embarrassed at doing this. But the moment’s just perfect and after this, he won’t be seeing Hinata again for a long time so he might as well.

Hinata’s eyes are wide and they are glistening in the sunset. He is staring at him, confused, and anxious as Kageyama produced a blue velvet box. A surprised gasp from Hinata makes him realize the mistake he just did and he raises his hand in defense, “Okay, before you get any ideas… no, I am not proposing.” Hinata’s expression dampens for a moment that it makes him wonder if he really should have chosen to do that… but he knows it just be too early to do that.

Instead, he opens the box to show a simple yet beautiful gold necklace inside, with a small, sun pendant hanging on its chain. Hinata’s eyes widen with mirth as he marvels at the piece of jewelry before he gapes at Kageyama in disbelief.

“What—what is this? I can’t—this probably costs a lot..."

It did, but that’s not exactly the point, “Just shut up, _boke._ ” Kageyama snaps, “I bought this for you to remember your time in Rome.”

Hinata is left speechless as he takes out the necklace and moves to put it around the other’s neck, clasps it at the top of his nape, and smooths it down his neck, feeling the small sun-shaped pendant at the dip of Hinata’s collarbone.

“I know you’re not supposed to wear anything during practice and official matches, but can you wear this anytime in between?”

Hinata takes a while to answer, and when he does, his voice is morphed into a tight ball as he tries not to cry. “And all I brought for you from Brazil is some desserts and a pair of slippers!”

 _Oh. This idiot._ Kageyama chuckles, taking in his face and kissing him squarely on the lips, _You’re here. That won’t even compare to a necklace or even a hundred more._

They stay until the sun has set… until the only light they have is the large full moon hanging above their heads. They watch as the city’s silhouette comes up against the dark blue hue of the night with a thousand light from every street, building and homes.

When will be the next time he will see this city differently? He probably won’t be able to be here often because it will just remind him of Hinata. He’s leaving tomorrow and this past week has been so fun, he seriously doesn’t know how he will survive Monday, again… or any other day without Hinata.

 _Maybe, I really should have asked him to marry me._ Except, what’s the point to that? A proposal, or a marriage at the peak of their career will only tie them down. Dating in this distance is already hard enough. But maybe, if he’s a little braver than he is… maybe...

[ 🎶 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvGYAFOITNM) _Ainda bem_

_Que agora encontrei você_

_Eu realmente não sei_

_O que eu fiz pra merecer_

_Você_

He turns back to look at Hinata who is grinning at him as he sets up his phone on the blanket. “I listen to classic songs to improve my Portugese.” He explains as the soft voice flows with the spring Italian air.

He stands up from where they are sitting and opens his hand to Kageyama who looks at him, dazed. “What?”

“Dance with me?”

“What?”

Hinata rolls his eyes and grabs his hand, pulling him up, “Come on, don’t be a killjoy.”

“I’m not trying to be! I just don’t know how…”

“I know, duh?!” Hinata chides putting his hands on his hips, “But just follow my lead. This is not a competition anyway.”

[ 🎶 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvGYAFOITNM) _O meu coração_

_Já estava acostumado_

_Com a solidão_

_Quem diria que a meu lado_

_Você iria ficar_

_Você veio pra ficar_

_Você que me faz feliz_

_Você que me faz cantar_

_Assim_

They sway awkwardly to the music at first. Hinata presses his head against his chest and whispers, _Just close your eyes and relax_ , he does follow him and buries his nose into his hair which smelled of the combination of citrus and just Hinata’s natural warm scent, he begins to let go eventually and let the music and the body in his arms guide him until their moving fluidly with the music. They probably look stupid in the outside world, but they are in a private spot, sharing a private moment and he really has no fucks to give anybody who would judge them.

“You should try it.” Hinata suggests after a while.

“Hmn?”

“Listening to their music to learn the language faster,”Hinata explains and he nods pulling him closer to him so they could share their body heat, although to be honest, he can definitely get by without learning a lot of the language since most of his teammates speak English fluently…

“Do you get lonely, sometimes? Living in another country without our friends?”

He hesitates but nods after a while. He does miss Japan and his nosy friends there. He misses having people be a phone call away. 

“I do, too. I mean, I love Brazil and I have friends there, too. Sometimes, even Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san come to visit, but it’s just not the same.”

Kageyama knows both his senpais, Oikawa and Iwaizumi moved to Buenos Aires last year. He thinks they intend to get married soon, but is curious how they plan to do it considering everything.

“Maybe, we should go back to Miyagi once in a while?” He suggests and the boy perks up at that, “You really mean that?”

Kageyama smiles, “Yeah. We can go. Let’s spend our winter break in Miyagi.”

Hinata forgets the song and lunges up to embrace him, “Yeah, let’s do that!”

That promise lightens the otherwise heavy mood of their last night together. And they carried it back home in Kageyama’s apartment when they shared the bed and made love as many times as they could until the sun rose and they had to take a shower, grab some quick breakfast before he drove Hinata to the airport.

But it isn’t enough to make Kageyama not feel desperate as he clings to Hinata at the airport, uncaring of people throwing furtive glances their way. Kageyama has his nose buried unto Hinata’s neck, feeling like an idiot because he can’t stop himself from crying.

Hinata pulls away and grabs both his cheeks, “Come on, you big baby. This is so not like you.”

Kageyama closes his eyes, ashamed that Hinata has to see this side of him. He’s afraid that the other would make fun of him, but Hinata merely wipes his tears with his sleeve before pressing a kiss on his lips, “We’ll see each other, again this Christmas, won’t we? That’s only a couple of months away… you won’t even notice it, especially with our grueling schedules.”

Except Kageyama _would_ notice. He will be busy as ever, but he will never not notice Hinata’s absence in his life. And he’s willing to bet, neither does Hinata, with the way the other guy is crying as well.

Hinata nudges him, “Come on, I have to go now.”

“I know.” He nods, pulling away reluctantly, “I know. I just…” _I already miss you._

 _“Longe dos olhos, perto do coração.”_ _ (4)  _ Hinata says with a smile and when Kageyama gawks at him he chuckles, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, _Tobio._ ”

A blush that rises up to his cheeks not just because of the cheesy proverb but more of hearing his given name on Hinata’s lips. He grabs the smaller boy again and gives him an open-mouthed kiss. It is rough and desperate and he pulls up Hinata who automatically clambers up and to wrap his arms and legs around him. He holds him by his thighs as he kisses him senseless.

_To hell with everyone who will see! They could watch if they want to, but this boy… this warm, incredible boy is his._

When they part ways, they are both flustered and panting. “You’re such an idiot,” Hinata complains but the love drunk smile on his face seems to disagree, “But you are _my_ idiot.”

Kageyama rolls his eyes, “It’s your fault suddenly calling me that out of the blue.”

“But that is your name, isn’t it? I think we’ve already gone past calling each other by our family names. It’s about time we’ve called each other by our first names.” Hinata grins, “Come on. Call me Shoyo.”

 _Shoyo._ He imagines it first before he eventually says it, “Shoyo.” And the way Hinata’s face goes scarlet is so amusing he repeats it again, “Shoyo.”

“Okay. Okay. That was a mistake. Stop now.”

Their shared laughter ends the moment Hinata’s flight is announced. They stare at each other, still unwilling to let go. But Hinata kisses him one last time and moves along, “Talk to you later, _Tobio_.”

“Talk to you later, _Shoyo._ ”

—

“Hey, any chance you can bring some of those cold cuts we had last time?”

Kageyama looks up from the sandwich he’s preparing for dinner to glance at Hinata’s face on the monitor of his laptop. He looks really cute with a colorful bonet on his head and the thick scarf wrapped around his neck.

“The one we got from the deli? It’ll be such a hassle to pack them. I’ll just overnight it the day before I leave.”

“Okay.” Hinata nods, “You already done packing?”

“Yeah. I just finished when you called. How’s the weather there?”

“Awful. I’ve been gone too long and the cold is really killing me.” Hinata complains.

Hinata went home to Miyagi a week earlier than he was scheduled to go. He was meant to go at the same time, but there had been a mix-up with the team’s schedule for a photo shoot for their latest endorsement deal so he was held back for a week. 

During that time, his boyfriend is sure to remind him what he’s missing back home. He had already visited Karasuno and Coach Ukai and met up with almost everyone from their team and even those from the opposing teams. At least, those who are in Japan.

“Let’s go to Tokyo when you get here.” Hinata says, “I haven’t met Kenma-san and Bokuto-san in a while.”

“Why wait for me? You can meet them up now and just meet again when I arrive.”

“Of course, I won’t do that. It’s better if we go together.”

“That or you just don’t want to drive yourself to Tokyo.”

“That, too. You know I hate driving.”

“You mean you’re a terrible driver.”

“Yeah, whatever. I just want to go together.” Hinata rolls his eyes, “ Oh, and Atsumu-san is back for Christmas so maybe we can also meet up with him?”

 _Miya Atsumu._ He doesn’t know what relationship Hinata and this setter had before but he certainly doesn’t like their closeness. Of course, he won’t say that… but—

“What is it?”

“Hmn?” He hums as he walks back to his desk where his laptop and adjusts the camera before sitting down.

“The face you made.”

“What face?”

“You made this face,” Hinata makes an exaggerated pout which is totally not the way his face looked, “When I mentioned Atsumu-san.”

“No, I didn’t. You’re seeing things.”

Hinata keeps frowning before he sighs, “You never ask about it so I thought you don’t care but maybe that’s only because you’re stubborn. So I’ll tell you now that nothing ever happened between us.”

Kageyama shrugs, “I wasn’t asking.”

“I mean, yeah… maybe there was that night… but we were both drunk and we—“

“What?!” Kageyama snaps, too late to see the leer on Hinata's face to realize he’s playing him, “You _asshole._ ”

Hinata laughs and Kageyama contents himself with watching him. He misses him so badly and can’t wait to see him in Miyagi and hear and feel the laughter in person.

“What time is your flight?”

“Nine in the evening here. So I’ll arrive there around four in the morning, Japan time.”

“Two more days, _Tobio._ ” Hinata says, holding out his fingers to emphasize his point, “This Christmas will be the best. I can’t wait to give you your present.”

“Why? What did you get me?”

“I won’t tell you, obviously. Where’s the surprise in that?” Hinata chuckles, “But I swear, once you’ve seen it, there’s just no way you can top it.”

Kageyama just smirks, begging to differ. Whatever Hinata has prepared for him… will never be better than what’s inside a small velvet box sitting inside his carry-on.

—

_[ Olá! I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave me a message after the beep and I’ll make sure to call you back.]_

Kageyama clicks his tongue in annoyance at getting Hinata’s voicemail probably for the eleventh time. It’s really weird not hearing from him the moment he landed in Narita, especially because he’s usually one to pester him about messaging the moment he has to fly somewhere, but now it’s just total radio silence.

Despite his protests, the guy insisted to drive all the way to Tokyo and pick him up at the airport. They also scheduled a lunch date with Kenma, Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi.

 _Okay,_ maybe getting annoyed is not entirely fair considering his flight did arrive an hour earlier than expected, so he can’t blame Hinata to not be here yet… but _the radio silence?_

Is this part of the surprise he’s been talking about?

He sighs, shifting a bit on his seat. An elderly man takes the empty seat in front of him and he adjusts his baggage to give him more space. The man thanks him and asks where he’s headed and he answers politely that he’s home for the holiday to which the man nods enthusiastically before shifting his focus to the huge television playing the news.

Kageyama busies himself in looking through his social media, like what Hinata had kept telling him to do. He liked all the _holiday_ updates from his teammates—Alessio went back to Florence with his wife and kids while Marco and Luca stayed in Rome and went out partying with some common friends. He even liked some updates from his previous teammates. Oikawa and Iwaizumi are still in Argentina, planning for their wedding; Nishinoya and Asahi spent Christmas in France; Kindaichi is also back in Miyagi and Kunimi is somewhere in Singapore.

“He’s too young. It’s such a shame.” He hears the man comment about something that flashed on the television… something about a terrible car accident.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are also in Miyagi while Daichi-san and Sugawara-san are also in Tokyo, doing some late Christmas shopping. Which makes him remember the ring he has inside his pocket. He smiles to himself feeling the solidity of the box with his hand, knowing the possibilities that will open should Hinata accept his proposal. They have many years ahead of them and they will take on the world together.

He is in this kind of high when he hears someone call him.

“Kageyama!” He tears his eyes away from his phone and looks up to see Hinata’s face… flashed at the television screen.

There are more images flashing before his eyes and someone yanks his arm as the world spins confusingly around him. _Hinata? No. Who is it? Kuroo-san? What is he doing—what is happening?_

“Listen, Kenma told me where you’ll be. I came as soon as I heard…We need to go now. Sawamura is wait...” His voice becomes more distant as his ears begin ringing. 

_Why are you here? Where’s Hinata? The_ world is spinning at a dizzying speed and he simply can’t keep up.

“Hinata… I have to wait for Hinata.”

_Why does Kuroo-san look so sad? Why is he—_

“It always breaks my heart when these young kids die early.” The man says again and he turns to look at the television screen where Hinata’s face is, and finally— _finally_ begins to read the headline.

_[ Olympic silver medalist and volleyball superstar, Hinata Shoyo aged 28 perished in a car accident in Sendai-Hokobu Road. ]_

And just like that, Kageyama's world comes to a standstill.

—

Japan and Brazil mourned the death of _Ninja Shoyo._ A promising athlete, gone too soon. A kind soul filled with so much energy, positivity and love to inspire everyone who knows him.

It’s a tragedy. 

For Kageyama, it is nothing but a terrible nightmare he can’t seem to wake from.

The thing about losing someone is that your heart and mind don’t immediately grasp the situation. Denial is probably its own way of coping because otherwise, your body would shut down for losing half of its will to stay alive.

Realization comes gradually—when you meet your old friends, share stories that make you laugh and you keep searching for that voice, that face in the crowd that will never be there again. 

You revel at the comfort of sympathies around you, hoping that you can share the pain among all of you who knew the person, except by the end of the day—after the funeral service, you go home to your own version of pain. Your own version of loneliness and emptiness… and you crave for the comfort of that one person you lost.

The thing is, it’s not just the pain of Hinata’s loss… but the guilt that’s eating up his insides, hollowing him out until he can barely breathe or move or feel anything. He can’t help but feel that he was part of the reason why Hinata died. If he had put his foot down and told him adamantly not to pick him up, maybe he wouldn’t have risked driving to Tokyo.

 _Maybe, he would still be alive._ His future had so many possibilities, the world stretched out before them, ready for the taking—but now, what does he do with this crippling loneliness?

Hinata’s parents had asked him if he wants to have a keepsake from Hinata—it could be anything, a shirt, a photograph… but Kageyama told them, _no._ Hinata has given him enough. It’s selfish to take some more.

Instead, he pushed a pair of platinum rings to their open palms, closed them tight, and told them, _I loved your son. I wanted to ask your permission if I could marry him. But I was too late._

They told him how happy Hinata was when he shared the news of them getting together. They were initially worried, knowing how harsh the world is to their kind of relationship…. But they had never seen nor heard Hinata that happy and they figured, it ought to be okay.

Before he left the service, his old high school team asked him if he wanted to do anything. He said he wanted to be alone—but he drove to Karasuno, went straight to the gym where he and Hinata played volleyball years ago. This is where they became teammates, this is where they developed and nurtured a bond that would stand the test of time and distance. _This is where everything started._

The court has remained the same and there are a few students who gave him funny looks when he removed his coat and tie, stripping down to the white button-up and uncomfortable pants. It doesn’t matter and he pays them no mind. He takes a full ball cart to one side before starting a series of jump serves, hitting each one harder than the last.

His feet hurt from the dress shoes which is definitely not made for any active sport and his palms tingle with every slam of the ball but he doesn’t stop. Not even when one of the kids had called Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei about a man who just walked in on the gym to do these amazing serves but refuses to talk to anyone. Not even when the entire old Karasuno team arrived and helped him by collecting the balls on the sidelines, putting them back in the carts and pushing them towards him to continue his serves. They don’t talk to each other, but all of them have tears in their eyes in silent understanding. They all know—

_The youngest crow is hurting and we’re the only ones who can protect him._

He only stops when he slips on the floor, feet, and knees finally giving out after probably two hundred serves. By then he is sweaty, panting, and crying from exhaustion and pain from his red palms and his throbbing knee... but none of them compares to the ripping pain he feels in his chest.

It’s Suga-san who walks to him, a bottle of water in his hand, “Kageyama, here.”

He takes it and Suga sits beside him as they look at the mess Kageyama created in the court. Daichi sits on the opposite side of him, followed by the rest of the team. One by one, they huddle closer together. Kageyama feels so sheltered, it's like he doesn’t deserve it.

“Natsu told me to give this to you.” Suga says, holding out a gift box, “Told me she knows you want no keepsake from Hinata but that he will probably want you to have this.”

Kageyama looks down at it and remembers Hinata’s promise of a surprise gift. When he doesn’t say anything, Suga pushes it to his hand, “You can choose to open it or not. Whatever feels right, just do it.”

It’s wrapped in a green and red wrapping paper with little snowflake prints. A card is pasted on the lid and he peels it off slowly, to read it.

 _“Tobio, você será meu para sempre?”_ _ (5) _

His throat begins to constrict as his chest tightens painfully. The high-pitched ringing in his ear is back and his eyes blur from a pool of tears he refuses to shed. He doesn’t need to know the words, just, seeing Hinata’s handwriting is enough to send his emotions into overdrive and he bites his lip and clenches his fists to stop himself from screaming at the universe for taking the only person he ever loved.

He rips the box open and when he sees its content, the tears he had been trying so hard to hold back, flow freely.

Clutching the small velvet box to his chest, his sobs rack his body. Suga, as always is the first to embrace him as he lays down on his lap like a little child. And then there's Daichi, and then Tanaka-senpai, Yamaguchi and then everyone is just holding him close as he curls himself into a ball, making himself smaller… hoping that by doing that, the pain would also get smaller and it would hurt less. But pain doesn’t work that way. 

He is being torn apart—and he wishes desperately that he could go back to the numbness of his sleepless nightmare; he wishes he could continue pretending that he is just somewhere in Sao Paulo, too busy to respond to his countless text messages; he wishes he didn’t have to face his future without the only person he wants to spend it with.

_Boke._

_I should be the one asking you to marry me,_ _Hinata-boke.  
_

He wishes desperately that none of this is real, but the only real thing he can think of is the cold solid pair of rings that will never be worn, the proposal that will never be made, the wedding that will never be planned and their future that will never happen.

_Boke, Hinata-boke._

**+++**

**Author's Note:**

> Send some love or a shoutout on Twitter! :)
> 
> [ **Follow me on Twitter @DanaiaCake** ](https://twitter.com/danaiacake)
> 
> Footnotes:
> 
> (1) I miss you, too.  
> (2) Will you be my boyfriend?  
> (3) Finally at home.  
> (4) Absence makes the heart grow fonder (proverb)  
> (5) Will you be mine forever?


End file.
